What do you want?

It’s a fair question, right?

I’ve been reading Rachel Hollis’ latest book “girl, stop apologising” and she asks you to think of what you want the next ten years to look like...

As someone who spent most her life thinking “I just need to get through the next twelve months” it’s quite a challenge. What do I want from the next ten years?

The more I think about it, the more I realise why she set the task. There’s nothing you could want for yourself that you can’t accomplish. Want to be an author? Write a book, send it out to as many publishers as it takes or hell, just self publish.

All the reasons I have for not accomplishing any of my goals are all self imposed. My mind limits me, daily. My mind tells me I can’t be happy. My mind tells me not to trust anything good, because it must be a trick or a trap. My mind says I can’t, and I allow it to, I believe it.

“I don’t have time” is the most common of excuses I use to not write. This is closely followed up by “I have writer’s block, I can’t find inspiration”. You know the cure for writer’s  block? I do. I have for years. You sit down, and write. Even if it’s trash, even if it doesn’t fit the plot, is cliched or clunky. You write, one word after another, until that first draft is done. And then you go back, as many times as it takes, and fix any of that clunky, derivative crap.

The same view can be applied to any goals. Want a new job? Want to progress in your career? You know what you need to do. Go to work, work hard, impress your boss. Apply for better jobs, ones where maybe you don’t quite have the right experience, in the hope that someone will give you a shot. Because if you show willing, if you can prove you work hard, someone  will open a door for you. And if they don’t? Push a door open. Make an opportunity. Why not start your own business? Why not do some work experience? Why not take up a study course?

These are all small things, but the fear of actually following through is real. Fear, it’s always cropping up. There’s always been so much that scares me about the world. I’m scared of failing, of falling, of being hurt, of achieving something great (yep, fear of success). I’m working on it. Day by day, step by step... and I guess with my writing word by word...

The real test is how much you care about your happiness. How much do I care about mine? Sadly, not enough. I’m a self sabotager. I don’t know how else to be, but I’m trying, I really am. And I’m going to write a list, a ten year list, and take steps every day to get to where I want to be. How about you?

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