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Showing posts from December, 2017

Unhappiness, a Christmas story

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I've been feeling pretty down lately, worse than I have in a while. I couldn't shrug it off, couldn't put my finger on what the actual issue was... but something has been feeling wrong. Maybe just the holiday blues? Maybe I'm (definitely) feeling insecure? Maybe I should put this drink down...?

I've spent some time thinking of possible reasons... and for a girl with a good imagination that's probably not a great idea. Each option has become increasingly wilder and more plausible. Overthinking is the enemy.

And then today one little conversation made me realise what the issue is.
Doing nothing makes me unhappy! To the core. By nature I'm a busy person. Don't get me wrong, I like the unusual chance of getting a lie in... but that's just it! I enjoy a lie in because it's unusual. If I stayed in bed every day until 10 followed by a day on the couch I think I'd go insane.

My mind needs structure and organisation... which is sorta considered odd …

The diffculty with finding a moment to pause

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Sometimes life just gets a little busy... especially during the holidays I have a way of getting carried away with life. Work, socialising, family... dating. They all seem to find some of my time, they all have a place in my life. Pausing to take stock isn't something I always get to in a hurry. Weeks will pass and my well intentioned hour of writing turns into an hour of cheering up a friend who needs my time.

Giving that up isn't who I am, and I knowingly let my writing suffer sometimes. But I enjoy making people happy, it's where I find the most joy. And although writing is a passion, I find that there's always a quiet 2 a.m. on a Saturday that I can devote to a self indulgent chapter in a novel or a 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning I can dedicate to perfecting a smile on a painting. People are what life is about, a novel won't keep you warm at night.

With all that said, I know that the holidays exacerbate this so called problem, and once the cold January nights rol…