The year of finishing

This year for me is all about finishing things I’ve started.

My faithful cat, Kimi @karina_lawrence on instragram
Last year ended with me feeling stuck in a rut. The same things seemed to circle back around like my life is a never ending loop of events. The same feelings, the same fears, the same anxiety.

So I decided this would be the year I finish things... you know that long list of stuff you halfstart or half plan or intend to do one day? This is my year of tackling that list.

Some are small things, like I keep taking up French and not practicing it enough. I’m happy to say I’m on a perfect streak in my Duolingo learning app. It might not be the degree level French I dreamt of as a kid, but I’m finally putting effort into learning and practicing what I consider one of the most beautiful languages in the world.

I’ve started sketching again, finishing small art ideas like this one... where I mix my passion for yoga and nudes...
Shoulder stand by Karina Lawrence on Redbubble
 Two of my biggest projects remained, until recently, unfinished. I started writing a novel called Sarah over twelve months ago. It’s been both fast and slow writing, with a big “I have a new job to learn” gap in writing along the way. The main character in the novel is an artist, and she comes across a young and naive model who brings renewed inspiration to her work when she’s feeling stagnant.

Something about that moment, that muse, made me want to see the finished painting I write about in the novel. This girl whose skin is milk, who inspires brushstroke after brushstroke. And so last year I started what would be my biggest painting to date. Not just in terms of emotion or complexity but also in size.

Milk by Karina Lawrence on Redbubble
 I started this painting over 12 months ago and as the first few days of January gave  me time to pause and think about what I wanted... I finished it. And it brought me real joy and a big sense of accomplishment. I’d finished something I started. And it’s just made me hungry for more of that feeling.

So with one big project done, there’s only one big thing on my list for this year. That damn novel. That story that haunts me as much as the face of a French beauty haunts my main character when she closes her eyes at night. There will be other accomplishments along the way, small things that satisfy just as much as long term goals. That’s what life is all about though, big life goals and ambitions interspersed with small achievements. Even if some days the most I achieve is getting out of bed.

This year I will take control of the things around me I have the power to... and everything else? I’m sure whatever is meant to be will be... and until then you just gotta keep trying, failing and getting back up again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Change, it comes in all shapes an sizes

Image
How long would you dedicate to change your life?  A day, a week, a month, a year? It is, after all, the only life you're getting. So you better be prepared to take what you want while you can, as it may well be the only chance you get. How about three weeks? Just 21 days, to change the way you live your life. It's not a lot but somehow it might just be enough. Research shows that small changes can become new habits within just 21 days. The bigger the change though, the longer you'll have to dedicate. But lets start with three weeks to make a small change, that first step. After hurting my foot and having to cancel a trip I sat at home wondering this very question. Did I hurt myself because I had become so out of shape? I looked in the mirror and the stranger on the other side shrugged, jiggling about the extra pounds that had formed over the past few months... Well, self pity wasn't going to do anything for my mood, my figure or my career... In fact, the only one...
Read more

If you were to put yourself into a tumble dryer

Image
Or how anxiety and my chronic illnesses like to make pals and render me temporarily useless.  @KarinaLawrence on twitter @karina_lawrence on insta I just spent the better part of 3 days in agony, not being able to eat and having nightmares when I managed to fall asleep. Finally being on the other side of this feels like absolute heaven, even though the chronic illnesses that caused it are never going anywhere. I also know from personal experience that there are people that are way worse off than me, and they're my absolute heroes and keep me fighting for a better quality of life. Eight weeks ago I decided to stop letting my illness dictate what I could and couldn't do. Now, my illness is just as stubborn as I am, so it's more a case of balancing the scales in my favour. My two goals are to get stronger and be healthier. The difference between this latest case of my body attacking itself and the numerous others I've had over the years? I knew the causes, fr...
Read more

It's been a year... in more ways than one

It's been a year since I last felt the urge to blog, and this year has been quite the year already. This month has felt like quite a year to be honest. The term "unprecedented" is being used a lot where I work. These are indeed unprecedented times for us, but the world has recovered from this type of event before. And I personally hope that we learn so much about what our priorities are and what we want our new normal to look like after this period of unprecedented change. My life already looks vastly different. Before Covid I was commuting for an hour each morning to get into the office. I begrudged my job, because I spent 13 hours of the day out of the house just to complete a 10 hour work day. Now my "commute" is thankfully 1 minute as I have been afforded the privilege of being able to work from home. And I do see it as such a privilege, with so many of my friends being furloughed, losing their jobs or bravely risking their safety and that of their famil...
Read more