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I was born in Surrey (England), brought up in Galicia (Spain) and currently reside in a small town in the North West of England... I've always enjoyed writing, scribbling away on scraps of paper and daydreaming whilst the world happens around me.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

April Showers...

April just kinda slipped by there didn't it... must've been those April Showers.

April was so eventful I barely had time to stop and breathe. I threw a huge Alice in Wonderland birthday party for my mum, I spent a weekend in York, I spent a week visiting my best friend, I went to my first ever McFly concert, I visited Whitby for the first time (I expected more Dracula stuff) and oh yes, once I got done with all that, I wrote a script...

Weekend in York - the lady to my left in this pic kept trying to catch me off guard, when I nodded off she'd attack me with a cat toy... yep.

Whitby - I just had to take this photo, this place was awe inducing

Part of the Mad Hatter's Tea Party - I even made the rose shaped chocolates on the cupcakes...
Mine and best friend's shoes, it's a thing our group of friends do, wherever we go we photograph our feet to capture the moment

BUT the past few days I've been busy... a bit like this *points at video* doing nothing...

After a busy April I'm a bit at a loss as to what to do with myself. We've all been there, right?

There's the Terry Pratchett book award that I want to do... but I still haven't come up with the perfect idea for that. And I have plenty of other projects on the go, but none of them are really grasping my full attention. I've decided to start painting pictures for a local art exhibition on the advice of a friend... but again... there's just no real drive to get started (even the prospect of selling a few doesn't tempt me) That three letter word has been haunting me lately. I have all the resolve in the world until my mind kicks up the word but... But you could just not bother. But what if you're not good enough. But I could just bake instead. But there's this really good show on tv tonight... But what if it gets me nowhere...

And I guess that's where the issue lies.

I just read the Hunger Games. And yes, I know everyone is reading them now, but (damn that word) they'd been on my "to read" list for a very long time. And one of my resolutions this year was to read more... so I did. I devoured the books, one a day. I wish I could unread them just to re-read them again. I might still re-read them again even though I've just finished them... They were brilliant. Something about the story touched me and I sobbed my way through right to the end of Mockingjay. When I was done I felt such a mixture of emotions I literally didn't know what to do with myself...

That's when it hit me. I have never written a story like this. Not the plot or the story, I mean on a more basic level. I have never written a book or story or script that created such a powerful emotion from me. While I was reading these books I suffered with the characters, felt the emotions, spent sleepless nights and when I did sleep I awoke during the night worried. Because the story got to me in a way I hadn't expected. It sorta snuck up on me. And all this made me think, what if I'm not good enough? What if I never come up with an idea that's good enough, let alone write it in a way that'll touch people?

It's defeatist to think that way. As a writer, you can allow yourself all of two minutes to think like that. Because if you continue down that vein, you will stop writing, and that's how you'll find out that you're not good enough. By quitting. So I've allowed myself a week to wallow, to question my abilities. And the conclusion I have come to is this... Let other people decide. Let others judge my writing, because people love doing that anyway... It requires no thought from me. It allows me to keep writing. In fact, it pushes me to keep writing. Because how will other people get the chance to decide if I have anything half decent to say in my writing if I don't write? So I'm heading back to the drawing board, starting from scratch and I'm going to just write... so wish me luck!

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